You're Engaged! ...Now What?

The love of your life has gotten down on bended knee, presented you with the ring of your dreams and finally popped the question--and you've said yes! Congratulations! You're now officially engaged! Let the wedding plans begin! ...But where exactly do you begin? Today and in the coming days, I'm going to take you step-by-step into planning the wedding of your dreams--in building the strong and healthy "bones" of your wedding--a solid foundation that will carry over into your future married life.

Upon your engagement, you and your future spouse will have quite a lot to talk about, and those conversations should include discussions on how you both envision your big day. It's always a good idea to begin early in coming to agreement about the most important things on which your wedding will hinge:

1) The budget: As tedious and boring as budgets are, numbers don't lie: Your own particular numbers will tell you just how much you can afford to spend on your wedding, and how many guests you can invite. It may even determine the date, as certain times of the year are more expensive than others when it comes to getting married. This is the time to decide who will pay for what, and also the time to meet with your parents to find out how much financial help and support they are willing to give. You may be pleasantly surprised find out how much financial help and overall support your families are eager to offer. On the other hand, fortunes and circumstances may have changed, and it is not kind or reasonable to expect a parent who's gone through hard times to bear the financial burden of your wedding. You may be given the green light for a lavish event, or you may have to scale back on your plans, but remember: inexpensive does not mean cheap or substandard. No matter what your budget is, with good planning, you will be able to have the most beautiful wedding ever!

Whatever you do, please don't shoot yourself in the foot by avoiding the subject of your budget in the very beginning stages of wedding planning. Know exactly where you stand, financially. I've known couples who have begun planning their weddings with a blind eye toward budget and have run out of money mid-course, which has at best caused them to have to change plans mid-stream and at worst, forced them to cancel their wedding entirely, many times with deposits forfeited and debts to pay off. This is not a good way to begin a marriage!

2) Hire a wedding consultant: According to the Kern County Bridal Association's statistics, the average wedding takes about 18 months to plan; average cost for a wedding in Bakersfield is now around $30,000; and average number of guests in our locale is 170. This is a big job for the bridal couple who has little time or experience in planning weddings, and the money you spend on hiring a bridal consultant will save you not only time and money, but a whole lot of sleepless nights and overall stress and anxiety. Sure, your family members can help, but they can't be both workers and guests. That's like asking them to be in two places at the same time, and this is where the best-laid plans often go awry.

A good bridal consultant will charge an hourly rate and flat fee for services, according to time and hours spent assisting you with your wedding, and will also have wedding packages to choose from. In this method of payment, you can determine in the very beginning how many hours you will require from your planner, and buy as many (or few) hours as needed, often adjusting your hours needed during the planning process. This way you're in control of how your hard-earned money is spent and on track with your wedding costs.

Some consultants charge a percentage (10%-15%) of total wedding costs. I personally have a bit of a problem with this, as it leaves the door open for unscrupulous wedding planners to take advantage of a good situation: overwhelmed wedding couples with open pocketbooks and stars in their eyes. Simply put, the more your wedding costs, the more your wedding planner earns, and an unscrupulous planner may attempt to hard-sell you into including items and services you don't want, don't need and really can't afford, and when you're not in your best frame of mind. If you do choose a planner who charges rates by percentage of total cost, make sure it is clearly spelled out in the contract whether the wedding planner's fees are included in total cost of your wedding or in addition to total cost.

In any case, never, ever hire a professional wedding consultant without signing a formal contract with him or her-- or anyone, for that matter! Read the fine print! If there's something you don't understand, have it clarified before you sign. And if there's something you don't feel comfortable with, either negotiate required changes and have it initialed and documented, or simply do not sign. Also, make sure your professional wedding planner has a business license and business insurance.

3: Meet with clergy member and schedule pre-marital counseling: Depending on your denomination, you may be required to go through weeks or months of pre-marital counseling and religious training if you intend on being married in that church. This is something you need to find out right away and not leave until the last minute, especially if you've been previously married or have not regularly attended your church in a long time. This is why I suggest this step first-- you may find you'll need more engagement time necessary than originally planned or make other arrangements. Find out what dates are available for your wedding-- there are times in some faiths and denominations where weddings are not performed, such as certain days of the week and high holy days. If you're being married in a church, there may be specific regulations on what you can and can't do or have at your wedding. For instance, you may not be able to have "popular" music included in your ceremony, and this includes the ever-popular Wedding March in some places! In some churches, flowers are not allowed during Lent. Decorations may be limited to what is liturgically correct, and the altar guild director and/or priest has final say-so on these matters.

If you're not planning a religious wedding, it's a good idea to interview a few officiants before selecting one. Not every couple wants to end up with Brother Billy Bob bearing snakes in a sack at their wedding! Find an officiant who suits you both and will perform your wedding ceremony as you wish. Ask your friends, or allow your wedding planner to suggest possible candidates to choose from.

4: Reserve wedding and reception sites and make initial catering contacts: The most desirable venues and vendors are booked up to a year in advance--get your reservation in as soon as possible! Your wedding and reception site will be the major factor in the theme, style, and color scheme of your wedding--it sets the tone of your celebration. The trick is to find a place in which you can envision the wedding you want while keeping an open mind to the inspiration and possibilities a previously unknown venue might offer. You may have a style and color scheme you've wanted forever, then find an enchanting reception site that will cause you to change your mind entirely! This is why I recommend looking at reception venues even before buying your wedding gown and invitations.

Make sure you book a site that will comfortably hold all your guests and there is room for vendors to set up and do their work without getting in the way at your reception. Take note of equipment that comes with the rental of the venue, hours of set-up and tear-down included, and the items you'll have to bring in through independent vendors. Also, take plenty of photographs of your wedding venue when you do the walk-through. They will be invaluable in helping you with your wedding plans. This is commonly a service your wedding planner is hired to help you with--finding the right venue and vendors, and looking over the contracts with you, as your advocate, before you sign on the dotted line.

5: Interview photographers and hire one: This is one item that often gets left out of the budget or forgotten until the last minute. Don't be left with moving images of stationary objects after hiring your best friend's brother-in-law to take pictures in order to save a little money! Your wedding ceremony and reception last only a day out of your lives--your photos last virtually forever. This is not the place to cut back in your budget or be left until the last minute. Good photographers are in high demand and require early booking. So what do you want to be looking at for the next 50 years-- blurred pics of the label of a champagne bottle your somewhat inebriated guest/"photographer" fixed on, or fantastically awesome, professional photographs of you and your wedding? You can't buy back the day. Hire a good photographer whose style and portfolio appeals to you to preserve your wedding day in pictures that will look even better as the years go by.

6: Register at local bridal registries and if you wish, start a bridal website online. As soon as you announce your engagement, people will begin asking you where you're registered and gifts will begin to arrive, even a year in advance of the big day! You'll want everyone to know the china and flatware pattern(s) you've chosen, your household needs, home style and color preferences. Everyone expects the bridal couple to have a registry; it's not considered crass consumerism or downright greed, no matter what snarky Cousin Bluebelle says. It will save your family, friends and other well-wishers a lot of time and guesswork in knowing what you really would prefer and appreciate. It will also save you hours in line returning gifts you can't use, however well-intentioned they may be. However, always remember that others have the perfect right to spend their money on gifts as they personally wish, and are also within the bounds of etiquette to send nothing but their best regards.

Once you've built these basic "bones," the foundation of your wedding plans, you'll be off to a good, solid start with the most fundamental of problems solved, and the rest will soon begin to make sense and fall into place, no matter if you're getting married six months or sixteen months from now.

Happy Planning!

Best regards,
Susan

A Nice Day for a (Royal) White Wedding

It was a white wedding for Prince William and his new bride, Her Royal Highness Princess William, a/k/a Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, affectionately known to all simply as "Kate." Kate's sister and maid of honor, Pippa Middleton wore white, as did the flower girls, and all carried white bouquets similar to the royal bride's.
Kate Middleton's Wedding Gown was designed by Sara Burton for Alexander McQueen. The gown has a modest plunging neckline and long lace sleeves, reminiscent of the gown worn by Grace Kelly to her marriage of Prince Rainer III, Prince of Monaco in 1956. When one marries in Westminster Abbey, strapless simply will not do! According to the Royal website, the lace applique on the bodice and skirt was hand-made by the Royal School of Needlework, based at the Hampton Court Palace. Individual hand-crafted lace flowers were hand-cut and -sewn onto the ivory silk tulle gown.
Prince William, dressed in his red Irish Guards uniform (he holds the rank of lieutenant) escorted his blushing bride out of Westminster Abbey to the cheering crowd lining the route to the royal reception at the Palace.
Kate's "halo" tiara was made by Cartier in 1936 and presented to Princess Elizabeth (now Queen Elizabeth II) by her mother on the occasion of her 18th birthday. A simple sheer white veil made of the finest tulle covered Kate's face for most of the ceremony, until she and Prince William were pronounced "husband and wife together."
The royal wedding bouquet consisted of myrtle, symbolizing love; lily-of-the-valley, symbolizing "You've made my life complete," sweetness and gaiety; white hyacinth, symbolizing loveliness and "I'll pray for you;" and sweet William, which aptly describes Kate's prince: Gallantry, finesse and perfection!
Everyone knows about Kate's engagement ring, which was also Diana's engagement ring. After Diana's death, the ring reportedly came into the possession of Prince Harry. Harry decided that the ring should be on the finger of the future queen of England, and turned it over to Prince William. In a "cloak and dagger" operation worthy of James Bond, William retrieved the 18-carat oval sapphire ring from the royal safe (with Harry's blessing, of course!). Before leaving on the trip to Kenya during which he proposed to Kate, William carried the ring around in his backpack for three weeks in Africa before he finally popped the question!
According to news sources, William stated, "I literally would not let it go. Everywhere I went, I was keeping ahold of it because I knew, this thing, if it disappeared, I'd be in a lot of trouble."
Kate's very simple, plain gold wedding band is made of Welsh gold from the Clogau Goldmine at Bantdoo in Wales, the source for royal rings since the 1920's. It was given to Prince William by the Queen herself for Kate to wear-- evidence that the Queen heartily approves of William's new bride!

Kate once again chose to step out in a Sarah Burton-designed Alexander McQueen creation for the royal wedding reception. This time she chose a white strapless satin gazar gown with a circle skirt and diamante-embroidered detailing around the waist. She topped it off with a white angora bolero cardigan. This time around, Kate left the diamond tiara behind and let her hair down a little, while William and Harry changed out of their royal regalia and into suits and ties.


British cake designer Fiona Cairns worked five weeks to create the royal couple's 8-tiered confectionary masterpiece. The wedding cake, made of traditional fruitcake, was covered in cream and white icing and decorated with nearly 900 delicate sugar paste flowers. Architectural details of the reception room were reflected in the detail work on the 4th tier: roses, acorns, ivy leaves, apple blossoms and bridal rose.
Note the exquisite attention to detail reflected in the Scottish thistle, bridal roses, apple blossoms and daffodil!
William and Kate share a kiss or two on the palace balcony with flower girls and the cheering crowds below looking on in approval!
Meet the Inlaws: From left, Britain's Prince Philip, Kate's mother, Carole Middleton, Britain's Queen Elizabeth II (and William's grandmother), and William's stepmother, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall.
William (in the driver's seat--this is England, remember!) and Kate take off with new titles in an old Aston Martin owned by Dad (Prince Charles) bedecked with balloons and streamers, one more "new" royal tradition William and Kate can call their own.

Welcome to My Blog!

Hi, I'm Susan Ohanneson, wedding coordinator and owner of Red Letter Weddings and Events in Bakersfield, California. Welcome to my blog! For most of my life I've been a closet wedding junkie-- even as a little girl, my sister and I designed bridal gowns for our paper dolls, and my friends and I played dress-up, planning and enacting mock weddings. My senior project in Home-Ec was to (guess what?!) plan a wedding, and it was one of the most awesome homework assignments I remember from high school!  And I still love weddings!  Every one of them is different and unique as the bridal couple themselves, and I just love it when two people seal their vows of love and commitment with a happy wedding celebration, surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends.

I began my professional career in academic medicine in New York City, my work invariably involving event planning in one way or the other-- fundraisers, gala events, departmental parties, and on the side, giving showers and coordinating weddings for my friends. In the early 80's I found myself owner of a Manhattan nightclub, Foibles and immediately began booking nightly entertainment and auditioning singers and comedians for our weekly Friday night "Best Of" shows. Soon after becoming established, some of my patrons sought my help in planning their weddings and private events, using Foibles as the venue. At the time it was all in a day's work-- a lot of fun, but I never seriously considered planning weddings for a living.

After Foibles, I landed a plum position with a high-profile Manhattan physician and philanthropist as her office manager and personal assistant, and spent ten years being mentored by this wonderful woman in the rarefied air of world-class art, antiques and high fashion...and we managed to see patients three days a week! Again, I was involved in planning social events, only this time the guests were listed in the Social Register and included people you read about in magazines like The New Yorker, Forbes or Vanity Fair. I took classes at NYU in Hospital Administration and transitioned into medical management consulting for major New York metropolitan hospitals before deciding to move back to Bakersfield, meaning to retire to a quiet country life. Again, I never considered bridal coordination as a career even though I spent my free time wandering the Chelsea flower market, Manhattan florists and museums, always drawn to anything "wedding."

Wait a minute---Bakersfield? That's one heck of a "lateral" move there, girl! Yeah, but I'm from Shafter and a farmer's daughter, so it makes sense...at least to me! Home is where the heart is, and I missed my family...I sure didn't come back for the climate! I hungered for the wide open spaces after 24 years of the concrete jungle, 16 floors above 2nd Avenue, breathing gritty, grimy exhaust fumes at rush hour coming in through my bedroom window.

For the past five years I have been an altar guild member, first at St. Paul's Episcopal Church and then became altar guild director at Grace Episcopal Church about three years ago, building a guild in an entirely new church. Soon after, I was appointed Diocesan Altar Guild Director of the Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin, where my task was to re-organize and reconstitute the guild, overseeing every Episcopal parish guild within it. I am starting my second term under our new bishop, Chet Talton. And yet again-- it's a position that entails event planning on both parish and diocesan levels, not to mention overseeing all worship preparation the altar guild does at Grace.

About a year ago some friends and I were sitting around pitching ideas, playing "what if," and we agreed that it would be a great idea to begin preparing for weddings at Grace Episcopal Church, so I began researching the prospect. As it turned out, we shelved the idea, at least temporarily...but I kept feeding my secret old wedding "fix" by making my nightly forays into the Wonderful World of Weddings on the Internet. With a lot of  wonderful support and encouragement from family and friends, I am now fulfilling my lifelong passion of coordinating weddings--as well as "regular" events!

When all is said and done, my most important goal is to provide excellent personal service tailored to the needs and wishes of each bridal couple so you may have what I like to call a Red Letter Day-- a day that is completely yours; one of the most joyous, memorable, important, special days of your lives!

All the best,
Susan

Six Reasons Why It's a Good Idea to Hire a Wedding Planner

Reason 1: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea for the bride who doesn't have the time to devote at least 12 hours a week to plan the wedding herself.

Planning a wedding takes a lot of time and effort, especially when you work or go to school full-time. Brides often try to plan their weddings and make arrangements during the work day, thinking nobody will notice, but they do, and it's not the good kind of attention you want! Red Letter Weddings has a wedding package to suit your style and budget. We give you a selection of vendors in each category and then let you make the final decision, saving you countless hours of time and stress on the job.

Reason 2: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea for the bride who plans on inviting a large number of guests.

As the guest list grows, the logistics become tricky. Coming up with a suitable ceremony and reception venue that will comfortably hold everyone and choosing bridal attire that the bride and her attendants will all be happy with almost requires the skill of a magician! And then there's the budget: Each name added to the guest list increases the cost of the wedding. At Red Letter Weddings and Events we have the skills and familiarity (and the software) needed to make management of things such as budget, seating charts, guest lists and RSVP tracking a breeze. We know how to get the most bang out of your bridal buck and make your wedding look like a million bucks!

Reason 3: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea for brides who are hosting their wedding somewhere other than a full-service venue.

Hosting a wedding in an unusual place such as at home, in a park or almond orchard makes your big day special and unique. But these types of events come with a special set of issues and logistics and really should not be planned without the help of a professional wedding planner. Depending on the venue, several items need to be brought in--tents, tables, chairs, dance floor, portable toilets, lighting (and sometimes generators!), caterers...the list goes on and on. Other considerations are parking, special permits, and setup space for vendors as well as expert coordination so your cake will be there and set up in time for the reception and your guests will not be caught out in the rain or sitting around for hours awaiting dinner. At Red Letter Weddings and Events, we are prepared to address all of these concerns and issues.

Reason 4: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea for bridal couples who have complicated relationships with friends and family and feel overwhelmed by the prospect of a "sticky situation."

Not everyone comes from a conventional Ozzie-and-Harriet nuclear family--there is often more than one set of parents for the bride and/or groom, children from prior marriages, and exes to deal with. During a wedding, tension can be high; a seemingly innocuous incident can turn into a full-blown magilla. Things can get very complicated very quickly. This is enough to make anyone a nervous wreck! Where should everyone sit? Who will walk the bride down the aisle? How can we incorporate our children into our wedding to make it meaningful for our newly blended family? How can we turn a family member's seeming apathy into enthusiasm? At Red Letter Weddings and Events, we take your concerns seriously and help you find solutions to ensure that your Big Day goes without a hitch and you'll have the confidence and peace of mind in knowing you've done The Right Thing. We also guide you and your wedding party through the often daunting ins and outs of social and wedding etiquette so you will breeze through your wedding day with grace and elegance.

Reason 5: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea if the bride or member of her wedding party has special needs in order to participate in the wedding.

We love working with bridal couples with special needs, respecting the fact that every person is a special, unique individual and it is never impossible to have the wedding of your dreams! We will work with you in achieving a perfect wedding with your special requirements and comfort in mind, whether it be planning a special dietary menu, selecting ADA-compatible venues, making sure a guest will have a place to privately lie down and rest if needed, or coming up with appropriately beautiful, well-fitting bridal attire. Our goal at Red Letter Weddings and Events is for you to have a red letter day that will stand out in your memory as one of the best times of your life.

Reason 6: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea for brides who are planning their weddings in six months or less.

On average, it takes over a year to plan a wedding, but many times this kind of wait is just not possible or desirable. Maybe your spouse-to-be is being deployed, or you've taken that new job across the country and want to be married surrounded by family and friends before moving. For whatever reason, in short-term wedding planning, time is of the essence; availability of venues and vendors is a big concern, and you may not be able to negotiate best prices or dates with service providers. So what do you do when you don't have a lot of time, don't want to elope, and still want a beautiful wedding? Call Red Letter Weddings and Events! We have a working relationship with and shortlist of awesome vendors, can quickly determine who is still available and take it from there-- saving you a considerable amount of time, money, energy--not to mention anxiety!

Reason 7: Hiring a wedding planner is a good idea for the bride who doesn't have a lot of help to plan and organize the wedding.

You may be new in town, your family may live far away, or everyone you know has a full-time job. Planning your own wedding is difficult enough, but worse is putting yourself in the position of a drill-sergeant bride, with one eye on your groom and guests and the other on the clock and vendors! I personally made this mistake once upon a time and believe me, it was no fun. I was no fun. I was so busy managing my own wedding and reception that I hardly remember anything romantic about it! At Red Letter Weddings and Events, we take the work and worry out of wedding coordination so you can simply revel in being the the bride. You can relax, have a great time and focus on enjoying your perfectly gorgeous, expertly executed wedding, your guests, your family, and most importantly, your new spouse!