The love of your life has gotten down on bended knee, presented you with the ring of your dreams and finally popped the question--and you've said yes! Congratulations! You're now officially engaged! Let the wedding plans begin! ...But where exactly do you begin? Today and in the coming days, I'm going to take you step-by-step into planning the wedding of your dreams--in building the strong and healthy "bones" of your wedding--a solid foundation that will carry over into your future married life.
Upon your engagement, you and your future spouse will have quite a lot to talk about, and those conversations should include discussions on how you both envision your big day. It's always a good idea to begin early in coming to agreement about the most important things on which your wedding will hinge:
1) The budget: As tedious and boring as budgets are, numbers don't lie: Your own particular numbers will tell you just how much you can afford to spend on your wedding, and how many guests you can invite. It may even determine the date, as certain times of the year are more expensive than others when it comes to getting married. This is the time to decide who will pay for what, and also the time to meet with your parents to find out how much financial help and support they are willing to give. You may be pleasantly surprised find out how much financial help and overall support your families are eager to offer. On the other hand, fortunes and circumstances may have changed, and it is not kind or reasonable to expect a parent who's gone through hard times to bear the financial burden of your wedding. You may be given the green light for a lavish event, or you may have to scale back on your plans, but remember: inexpensive does not mean cheap or substandard. No matter what your budget is, with good planning, you will be able to have the most beautiful wedding ever!
Whatever you do, please don't shoot yourself in the foot by avoiding the subject of your budget in the very beginning stages of wedding planning. Know exactly where you stand, financially. I've known couples who have begun planning their weddings with a blind eye toward budget and have run out of money mid-course, which has at best caused them to have to change plans mid-stream and at worst, forced them to cancel their wedding entirely, many times with deposits forfeited and debts to pay off. This is not a good way to begin a marriage!
2) Hire a wedding consultant: According to the Kern County Bridal Association's statistics, the average wedding takes about 18 months to plan; average cost for a wedding in Bakersfield is now around $30,000; and average number of guests in our locale is 170. This is a big job for the bridal couple who has little time or experience in planning weddings, and the money you spend on hiring a bridal consultant will save you not only time and money, but a whole lot of sleepless nights and overall stress and anxiety. Sure, your family members can help, but they can't be both workers and guests. That's like asking them to be in two places at the same time, and this is where the best-laid plans often go awry.
A good bridal consultant will charge an hourly rate and flat fee for services, according to time and hours spent assisting you with your wedding, and will also have wedding packages to choose from. In this method of payment, you can determine in the very beginning how many hours you will require from your planner, and buy as many (or few) hours as needed, often adjusting your hours needed during the planning process. This way you're in control of how your hard-earned money is spent and on track with your wedding costs.
Some consultants charge a percentage (10%-15%) of total wedding costs. I personally have a bit of a problem with this, as it leaves the door open for unscrupulous wedding planners to take advantage of a good situation: overwhelmed wedding couples with open pocketbooks and stars in their eyes. Simply put, the more your wedding costs, the more your wedding planner earns, and an unscrupulous planner may attempt to hard-sell you into including items and services you don't want, don't need and really can't afford, and when you're not in your best frame of mind. If you do choose a planner who charges rates by percentage of total cost, make sure it is clearly spelled out in the contract whether the wedding planner's fees are included in total cost of your wedding or in addition to total cost.
In any case, never, ever hire a professional wedding consultant without signing a formal contract with him or her-- or anyone, for that matter! Read the fine print! If there's something you don't understand, have it clarified before you sign. And if there's something you don't feel comfortable with, either negotiate required changes and have it initialed and documented, or simply do not sign. Also, make sure your professional wedding planner has a business license and business insurance.
3: Meet with clergy member and schedule pre-marital counseling: Depending on your denomination, you may be required to go through weeks or months of pre-marital counseling and religious training if you intend on being married in that church. This is something you need to find out right away and not leave until the last minute, especially if you've been previously married or have not regularly attended your church in a long time. This is why I suggest this step first-- you may find you'll need more engagement time necessary than originally planned or make other arrangements. Find out what dates are available for your wedding-- there are times in some faiths and denominations where weddings are not performed, such as certain days of the week and high holy days. If you're being married in a church, there may be specific regulations on what you can and can't do or have at your wedding. For instance, you may not be able to have "popular" music included in your ceremony, and this includes the ever-popular Wedding March in some places! In some churches, flowers are not allowed during Lent. Decorations may be limited to what is liturgically correct, and the altar guild director and/or priest has final say-so on these matters.
If you're not planning a religious wedding, it's a good idea to interview a few officiants before selecting one. Not every couple wants to end up with Brother Billy Bob bearing snakes in a sack at their wedding! Find an officiant who suits you both and will perform your wedding ceremony as you wish. Ask your friends, or allow your wedding planner to suggest possible candidates to choose from.
4: Reserve wedding and reception sites and make initial catering contacts: The most desirable venues and vendors are booked up to a year in advance--get your reservation in as soon as possible! Your wedding and reception site will be the major factor in the theme, style, and color scheme of your wedding--it sets the tone of your celebration. The trick is to find a place in which you can envision the wedding you want while keeping an open mind to the inspiration and possibilities a previously unknown venue might offer. You may have a style and color scheme you've wanted forever, then find an enchanting reception site that will cause you to change your mind entirely! This is why I recommend looking at reception venues even before buying your wedding gown and invitations.
Make sure you book a site that will comfortably hold all your guests and there is room for vendors to set up and do their work without getting in the way at your reception. Take note of equipment that comes with the rental of the venue, hours of set-up and tear-down included, and the items you'll have to bring in through independent vendors. Also, take plenty of photographs of your wedding venue when you do the walk-through. They will be invaluable in helping you with your wedding plans. This is commonly a service your wedding planner is hired to help you with--finding the right venue and vendors, and looking over the contracts with you, as your advocate, before you sign on the dotted line.
5: Interview photographers and hire one: This is one item that often gets left out of the budget or forgotten until the last minute. Don't be left with moving images of stationary objects after hiring your best friend's brother-in-law to take pictures in order to save a little money! Your wedding ceremony and reception last only a day out of your lives--your photos last virtually forever. This is not the place to cut back in your budget or be left until the last minute. Good photographers are in high demand and require early booking. So what do you want to be looking at for the next 50 years-- blurred pics of the label of a champagne bottle your somewhat inebriated guest/"photographer" fixed on, or fantastically awesome, professional photographs of you and your wedding? You can't buy back the day. Hire a good photographer whose style and portfolio appeals to you to preserve your wedding day in pictures that will look even better as the years go by.
6: Register at local bridal registries and if you wish, start a bridal website online. As soon as you announce your engagement, people will begin asking you where you're registered and gifts will begin to arrive, even a year in advance of the big day! You'll want everyone to know the china and flatware pattern(s) you've chosen, your household needs, home style and color preferences. Everyone expects the bridal couple to have a registry; it's not considered crass consumerism or downright greed, no matter what snarky Cousin Bluebelle says. It will save your family, friends and other well-wishers a lot of time and guesswork in knowing what you really would prefer and appreciate. It will also save you hours in line returning gifts you can't use, however well-intentioned they may be. However, always remember that others have the perfect right to spend their money on gifts as they personally wish, and are also within the bounds of etiquette to send nothing but their best regards.
Once you've built these basic "bones," the foundation of your wedding plans, you'll be off to a good, solid start with the most fundamental of problems solved, and the rest will soon begin to make sense and fall into place, no matter if you're getting married six months or sixteen months from now.
Happy Planning!
Best regards,
Susan
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